Sunday, July 10, 2011

You know you have Celiac Disease/Gluten-Allergy if ……

1. Your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out.....PLAY DOH!

2. You have written "CONTAMINATED" on jars of jam.

3. At least once a day you fake a smile and say,......... “Sorry I can’t eat that!”

4. You call a dream about eating pizza and chocolate cake .......... “A NIGHTMARE”

5. You eat.........Before....... you go out to eat.

6. You bring your own GF soy-sauce to the sushi restaurant.

7. You think the words "Are you sure it’s not all in your head” are grounds for murder.

(Especially when they come from your Doctor!)

8. You've considered strangling friends / relatives who suggest ......

"It can't hurt if you eat just a little bit, will it?"

9. You can’t remember ......... What crackers are supposed to taste like.

10. You actually have nightmares about reading labels.

11. You compare all of your food to......... "normal - people - food."

12. You call relatives if you get sick and say........

“It MUST have been Cross-Contamination at YOUR place"

13. You know that Xantham Gum is NOT for chewing.

14. You know that spelt is a distant cousin of wheat, but buckwheat Is not related to wheat at all.

15. The builders working on the house next door can EASILY substitute.........

Your Bread for one of their bricks.

16. You actually KNOW what an anti-TTG and an IGA blood test are.

17. You can find "hidden gluten" in food labels in the blink of an eye,

and your family couldn't find it even if they had.......


18. You've had to give a Doctor a crash course in Coeliac Disease.

19. A 7 Course Meal is a 1 Course Meal for you…................ Lettuce.

20. You've installed floor-to-ceiling bookcases in your bathroom.

21. It takes you 4 hours to do your grocery shopping and ........YOUR EYESIGHT IS RUINED.

22. You Hyper-Ventilate when passing by the bakery counter.

23. You've ever deliberately rammed your trolley into a Shredded Wheat display in a fit of rage.

24. You've ever had to take out a Loan to pay the grocery bill.

25. The centrepiece on your dining room table is a bread machine......with memorial candles..

26. Your financial portfolio consists of stock in ............ Two Major Toilet Paper Companies.

27. You are up late at night trying to develop a recipe for pizza without ........

Flour, Cheese, Yeast, Tomatoes, Beef, Garlic and Oregano.

28. You can spell Transglutaminase and Dermatitis Herpetiformis.

29. You just discovered how to make flour out of………........... TURNIPS.

30. Having a Solid Poo!.... is the highlight of your day.

31. You've mastered saying "I actually enjoy MY food" without your face…........‘Twitching’

32. You know all about xanthan gum and its uses.

33. You hide the gluten-free cookies when friends come over, ...... so they don’t eat them.

34. You see someone buying rice flour and you just have to ask them .........

if they are gluten intolerant too!

35. Your friend want’s to make you a gluten free birthday cake, but you plead with them not to go to that trouble,

because you're secretly terrified it will be Cross Contaminated.

36. All your ‘Favourite’ sites are coeliac related.

37. You've mastered the art of lying when people ask you........ “aren’t you hungry”.

38. You long to look at the contents of people's fridges and press’s......

just to see if you can eat anything

39. Someone complains of IBS, and you tell them to Quit eating Gluten!

40. You burst into tears of relief at the sight of the words “Gluten Free”stamped on the corner of a product.


+ another taken from another forum I post on.


When you walk down the breakfast ceral aisle 'The theme tune from JAWS keeps running through your head.

It's a change of pace, but I hope you enjoyed the jokes ^^

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